sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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