I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he fucked my hip out of place.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
