So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
