Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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