He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize