im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
