he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
