I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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