There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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