I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
