If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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