the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
