Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
