how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We got so high we made milksteak
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
