I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
