i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
