I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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