I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
