would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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