my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
