she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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