woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
