At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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