its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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