Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Screwed.edu
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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