so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
