he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
