i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
