Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
