Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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