I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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