stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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