My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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