final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize