i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
