I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Found the puke drawer
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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