final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you traded sex for a burrito?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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