I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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