Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i now understand why vodka
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
