I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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