i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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