There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
