hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
