I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
