I just saw a hot homeless man
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
