like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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