; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
