i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
