Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize