oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm sobbing to NWA
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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