So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
