Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
