I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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