you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
