I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
