Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
