Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
