You smell like a Billy Joel song
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
