so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
