My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish you could order shots online.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
