a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
