I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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