Cold hands, warm shart.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
