Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
