I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
