are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
