i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm too high and old for this...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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