Just took my morning after pill in the library
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ladies don't puke and tell
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
