i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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