I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
