Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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