I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize