My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
