The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
