she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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