guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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