My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize