She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think I am morally bankrupt
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
