I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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