Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you win again, gameday.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
