What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
