The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think your dad took our porno
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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