Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
