I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
