We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
