I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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