More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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