For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
