HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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