I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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