Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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