I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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