My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I love how my cats smell like pot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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