Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
