Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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