I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize