My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
