I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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