haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
