Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i think i just lost a toe
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