my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
