am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
