But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Watching her eat just hurts me
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
