There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
