I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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