Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
