Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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