Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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