In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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