Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just googled if crying burns calories
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
