My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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