Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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