An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
