Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
