I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
