after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
