Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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