Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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