You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
