Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
